I’ll write these letters to you
From a desk in my room that’s bleeding truth
And I wont sleep so I’ll have
No regrets to waste on you

We'll fight the good fight, the good fight
Waiting up
For the phone to ring off the hook
I’ve waited so long to hear
Goodnight until sunrise

I dont understand why I do this to myself.  I take everything way too personal. And I know he doesnt understand why certain things upset me. I'm pretty sure he doenst even know when I'm upset.  I'm not that hard to figure out.  Courtney Ann can attest to that.. I know shes reading this. ha.  Shes the only person reading this.

I'm so glad we met when we were kids
And I'm so glad you never moved away
You can always stay
Never be away
Never be taken

I'm so glad we met the way we did
I'm also glad we never tried to be more than that
You can always stay
And you can always be
A better friend than me
Better friend than me

But if someday you'd like to change your place
I understand
I can't blame you if you want to leave the state
Your state
Well go
Just don't be a stranger

And I know you
You like to leave your place
But me up on the way
I'll be begging you to stay
If you leave your place

I shouldn't have stayed here
I shouldn't have stayed here
Yeah I shouldn't have stayed here
Oh I shouldn't have stayed here in California

I'm tired of being the person who waits for calls to be returned..

Obviously I'm not that desirable.

i want every touch to mean something. im tired of this shit.

In some semi-unsettling news I'll be 20 on May 6th.  Its definitely not something I'm looking forward to.  Anyone who knows me knows that I am a pretty terrible adult.  No longer will I have the excuse of being a ''teenager''.  Not that I've ever really used that excuse its just a nice thought I guess.. Idk if any of this makes any sense..

Also, Its a quarter of my life thats gone and I don't feel like I've accomplished much of anything.. I have friends that seem to be on some specific track.. they know exactly what they want to do and are beyond determined to get it done. I don't know what I want to wear tomorrow.  How am I supposed to know what I want to do with the rest of my life?  Decisions aren't my strong suit.  Not even a little.

Haha.  Give It Up by The Format just started playing.

Sheeeeiiiittttt.. Things kind of suck.

I hate change.
I hate growing up.
make it all stop
thats not asking to much is it?

even the oldest the oldest friends can surprise you...

fuck that shit.

I'm so glad we met the way we did
I'm also glad we never tried to be more than that
You can always stay
And you can always be
A better friend than me
Better friend than me

But if someday you'd like to change your place
I understand
I can't blame you if you want to leave the state
Your state
Well go
Just don't be a stranger.

I officially miss the format more then I ever have...

I  <3 Nate.

Margaritas are being made..

Forgetting Sarah Marshall was beyond funny..

I still feel like i have cotton in my lungs.. ugh.

I can't figure it out.  For that past two months I have been telling myself that I wanted to go to culinary school.  I have also been convinced that Coos Bay, Or was really the only place for it.  But now I'm looking into a school in Pasadena and its looking pretty amazing. Annnnndddddd its in the Golden State, which is stupidly important to me. I dont know...
I think I'm gonna jump in the shower and then make a pros and cons list. ..

I just don't know if i want to leave this. Again.




Now some pros and cons..

California.

Pros.                                                                                          Cons.

1. family.                                                                                    1. weather.
2. courtney/dexter/car.                                                             2. traffic.
3. friends.                                                                                  3. price.   
4. the greater LA area.                                                            4. no dorms ?
5. limbeck.
6. ocean.
7. shows.
8. location.


Oregon.

Pros.                                                                                         Cons.

1. weather.                                                                               1. distance from family, friends, etc.
2. redwoods.                                                                           2. lack of events.
3. ocean.                                                                                  3.  not california.
4. price of living.
5. dorms.



To be continued...

I'm eating honey nut cheerios and they are pretty awesome.. They are on the list of things I love.

1. Roommates & Evan.

2.Patrick Carrie.

3.Limbeck.

4.Beards.

5.Hollywood & Highland.

6.The beach.

7.The Office.

8.Honey nut cheerios.